The Sanctity of Marriage (Exodus 20:14; 2 Samuel 11:1-27)
Billy Milton - December 11, 2005
‘Do not commit adultery’.
One reason people give for not liking formal Christianity is that they are under the impression that it ‘tells you what you can and cannot do’. Most of us instinctively react against being told ‘you cannot do that’, or ‘you must do this’, after all, we are a fallen people. Having said that, we know that despite the feelings of annoyance when a red light stops us at 2 o’clock in the morning, we will stop because we recognise that it’s for our own good and for the safety of others.
I believe that God’s commands regarding sex are of this nature. They are not there to spoil our fun but rather to protect something precious. Sex is precious because it was God who commanded that Adam and Eve do it. I want to speak about sex this morning, but it is such a wide subject that I’m going to concentrate on one aspect – adultery, as per the 7th commandment. I’m going to mention 4 things that it seems to me lie at the heart of the Bible’s teaching on sex and marriage. They are:
- 1. The Value of Sex
- 2. Our Vulnerability to Sex
- 3. Our Need for Vigilance with Sex
- 4. The Virtue of Forgiveness
1. The Value of Sex
There are just so many beliefs about sex, many of them dangerously wrong. And so we need to understand what the Bible says about the subject – what is God’s perspective? Well, we mentioned it at the beginning that God invented sex… but not just to be experimented with at will. He placed it in a context and that context is marriage. The old KJ version of the Bible put it like this, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Leaving; cleaving (or joining); being united. EXPAND EACH Incidentally, both Jesus and Paul quote this verse which gives you some idea of its importance. What it teaches is that in human beings the sexual act was designed to be a key part of the marriage bond between husband and wife. But…it cannot be separated from the context of a stable marriage. And its not only Genesis that puts such a high value on the worth of sex and marriage. Many other Bible passages reflect this value as well.
However, you don’t have to be a genius to see that sin has perverted what God created as good. 3 things we can learn from God’s involvement:
- 1. Sex is not something dirty and shabby;
- 2. Because it was created by God, sex is special and is not to be indulged in casually;
- 3. Sex involves the core of our lives. It is much more than a ‘friendly gesture’ as many broken hearted young ladies especially will tell you.
It’s because God has this high view of sex that he protects it by giving this commandment against adultery. Another person can only come into a relationship at the expense of the existing relationship. When one partner starts getting involved with someone else – and it can happen long before any physical act of sex is involved – real damage will be incurred in the areas of trust and promise keeping. Many of you know that what I’m saying here is so true.
2. Our Vulnerability to Sex
Precisely because it is so valuable, sex needs to be treated with respect. Real sex involves our emotions at a deep level and it can never be relegated to ‘just a bit of harmless fun’ without serious consequences. It’s a complete lie that its possible to sleep around outside of marriage and no-one gets hurt.
TELL STORY OF KEN
Even when a couple agree to move on the damage often follows them for years. I read the true story about a Pastor who had an affair. TELL ABOUT WIFE SILENTLY WEEPING IN PRAYER AND HUSBAND CATCHING HER ALONE AT HOME.
Mark Greene, the director of LICC, said once, “An affair is not a tonic to a marriage, it’s a toxic!”
The case of King David is actually a classic example of this. RETELL THE STORY
- Moral, godly and sensible
- Became a liar, a schemer, a plotter, a murderer.
- Led to his downfall – still the most common outcome today.
Let me be quite blunt here – personally I have not met a single person who has committed adultery and not lived to regret it. Adultery, even when forgiven, leaves scars.
David’s lust unleashed devastation in his life and on his family and even on his nation. And it still happens. Through adultery, careers are destroyed, loving families broken up, lifelong friendships ended, children devastated, churches wrecked. Why is this? Well, I think at least part of the answer is that sex can easily take the place of God in our lives. Unrestrained sexual desire is so powerful that it is capable of overriding everything else. There is something incredibly potent about sex. Not convinced? Think of how much sexual material we are being swamped under. The internet, magazines, cinema, TV. No other sin attracts so much attention. No other vice is worshipped like sex. Can you imagine a movie which contained ‘graphic and explicit scenes’ of Sabbath breaking? It doesn’t quite work, does it? Sexual temptation deserves our hearty respect. I think that its safe to say that it has destroyed better men and women than you or I.
3. Our need for Vigilance with Sex
Because we are so vulnerable to sexual temptation we need to be watchful in case we are ensnared by it. I want to outline some ways that we can be vigilant.
A. Protect our minds. Just as he said that anger was the equivalent of murder so Jesus also says that adulterous thoughts are the equivalent of adultery. Some of us don’t commit adultery purely and simply because the opportunity has never presented itself. STORY OF HARRY AND DAVE – there was adulterous intent with both and that, Jesus says, is sin. Now of course actually committing adultery does have far greater repercussions than just thinking about it – but it is still sin. Because a marriage is meant to be an exclusive union at the physical, emotional and intellectual levels it can be broken without the act of sex. Long intense conversations over a coffee at work with only the slightest brush of hands may still be cheating on your spouse. Sort your mind out! Put up safe boundaries around the area of your sexuality.
B. Don’t assume you’re safe from sexual temptation
If anyone looked to be safe surely it was David? A man after God’s own heart – obedient, faithful and pious. Yet he fell…badly! You might think that it could never happen to you but 1 Corinthians 10:12 reminds us “If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you too may fall into the same sin.”
Four Ways to help yourself stay safe:
- Work to strengthen your marriage. Good marriages don’t just happen. So often an affair is started by simple words like, “Tom, I only wish my husband listened to me like you.” If you don’t make your partner feel special, somebody else will.
- Stay above board in all that you do. Avoid compromising situations, especially if we are married. How can we tell if an innocent friendship is beginning to intrude into a marriage? Well the answer is quite simple. Ask yourself the question, “Would my spouse approve of what I am saying or doing if he/she were sitting next to me?” If not, don’t do it. ILLUSTRATION my trip from Edinburgh with M.
- Be accountable Find one or two people you can trust and give them permission to ask you personal questions. If internet pornography is your issue then you can install a programme on your computer which monitors every site you visit and then emails the list weekly to someone you nominate. Guys, how about nominating your mum or me? If you want details then see me afterwards.
- Deepen your spiritual life Nothing provides better protection than a close walk with God.
C. Keep busy doing what your supposed to be doing
Did you notice what David wasn’t doing in 1 Sam 11? He wasn’t fighting with his men. He stayed behind in Jerusalem and sent Joab instead. He was in the wrong place. Had he been where he should have the temptation of Bathsheeba would not have occurred. Often temptation comes when we find ourselves where we shouldn’t be.
D. Don’t play with sexual temptation
Presumably there was nothing inherently wrong with David being up on his roof? And his first glimpse of Bathsheeba might have been totally innocent. Where David sinned was in his second and third looks. He allowed a sinful scenario to play in his mind. He took the next step by asking for her name; then he sent for her; then he slept with her. He set a ball rolling and couldn’t stop it. Folks, stop the ball before it starts to roll! Avoid the early stages of sexual temptation because once the ball starts rolling its often too late.
Don’t fill your mind with rubbish. Someone I once read likened looking at pornography to constructing an art gallery in your mind. Pretty soon you don’t even need fresh stimulation – you just visit your own gallery in your mind. It takes discipline to stay pure in mind and deeds. If you are struggling in this area let me say something – you are not unique. Even in this church – you are not unique. Make yourself accountable to someone or talk to me about it.
E. If sin has occurred, repent immediately; don’t make it worse
It’s an old saying but sin rarely comes singularly. David’s little indiscretion turned out to have a whole host of brothers and sisters who came to join it. Adultery was not the worst part of the whole mess – much worse was to follow in the shape of murder. In fact a whole nation eventually suffered. The lesson is clear – repent and repent early. Talk to someone about it and if necessary, seek professional help.
4. The Virtue of Forgiveness
The Bible sets out the highest ideals for marriage and even the best of marriages sometimes falls short. However, right at the heart of Christianity stands God who not only judges those who fail but is someone who forgives those who repent and someone who gives strength to those who strive to keep his standards.
If the Bible speaks powerfully against sexual sin, it also speaks powerfully about how sexual sin can be forgiven. And we do need to have this balance. The non-Christian world sees the sexual sin as trivial and of no account, while some in the church view it as the abominable sin. The truth is that whilst it is terrible it is not the unforgivable sin. The classic passage on this is found in John 8 where a woman is caught committing adultery and is dragged before Jesus. Her accusers demand that she be stoned, as the law demands. The woman doesn’t deny her sin but Jesus refuses to condemn her and gently sends her away but tells her not to go on sinning. Truth and love go hand in hand.
In the church these days, if we are doing our work properly we will be attracting people who will have committed sexual sin. We need to learn how to forgive as Jesus did and not hold it against people for evermore. At the same time we need to clearly issue the call for sexual purity.
Conclusion
In conclusion, let me say a few words to those in our church who are single. It’s important to remember that although God made men and women to enjoy friendship and relationship with each other this need not involve sexual activity. You are not ‘queer’ or even ‘a bit odd’ if you choose to live a celibate lifestyle, despite what our society would have us believe. There is still a prejudice against people who choose not to have sex and modern society still judges single people in this area. Just think of the ridicule heaped on the Christian lad who won Big Brother who said that he was a virgin and intended to remain that way until he got married.
The great lie today is that if you are not having casual sex then you must be frustrated, a failure or a freak. The harm that that lie has caused is immeasurable. I want to emphasise again this morning that to be single is a valid life choice. Jesus was unmarried and that on its own must stop any thoughts that being single is somehow second class.
However, in terms of sex we have to say that God made men and women for physical intimacy only within the lifelong, committed relationship of marriage. Sex is the sealing and celebration of that intimacy and exclusiveness. It is entirely appropriate and right within a marriage relationship; it is entirely wrong outside of that relationship. Let’s make sure that we honour God in this area of our lives.
We live in a society where the Bible’s standard is unusual and looked upon either with amazement, contempt or disbelief. Increasingly the way that a Christian deals with sex will make us stand out.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
(Sermon provided by J. John from his book ‘10+’, Monarch Press, 2001)