If it feels good, do it! (Jeremiah 17:9; James 5:13-16)
Billy Milton - March 9, 2008
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I want to talk about feelings today and the part that they play in our lives and how the Bible views them. Many years ago I found a Bible lying in a church after a service. I looked at the inside cover to see if I could identify the owner so that I could return it. It belonged to a teenager in the church and there was a message from the girl’s grandpa on the occasion of her baptism. It read, “Be true to your own feelings and you won’t go far wrong.” Aahh…sweet! But very bad advice. I can hardly think of a worse indicator for what may, or may not, be right than my own feelings – and I suspect that you are no different. If it feels good – don’t just do it - check it! Then talk to a wise advisor. Then maybe do it!
Our soul is composed of three interconnected parts: Our mind (thinker), our will (chooser) and our emotions (feeler). Our mind and our emotions are both “INFORMERS” to our will. Once our will is informed by what we feel and what we think it can then arrive at conclusions and decisions. No problem with that. However, often this process is short circuited because our emotions can be very powerful. They can almost bully the mind and this leads to us believing …
Lie #1 If I feel something it must be true. Folks, this is nonsense! Just because you feel it doesn’t mean its true. When it comes to our feelings we are experts at being conned.
Here’s Lie #2 The world tells us that if it feels good, do it. It tells us to “follow our hearts” but it doesn’t tell us where that will lead us! But God’s word does. Listen to this: Proverbs 28:26 “He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but who walks wisely, he shall be delivered.” Then Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that, “The human heart is most deceitful and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
I’m sure you’ve heard it said many times that feelings are neither right nor wrong. In some circumstances I’ve said it myself. So, when listening to someone, we shouldn’t argue with their “feelings” because to them, they are real. Now I agree with this to some degree but eventually we do need to challenge people’s feelings because they may be holding them captive to bad thinking or behaviour. For instance, how many of you would agree with the following statements?
- If I feel unloved then I must be.
- If I’m feeling worthless, I must be worthless.
- If I feel like life is hopeless then it must be.
Hollywood teaches us that our feelings are the truth. If you “feel in love” then get married. If you “feel out of love” then you should divorce. What is missing in this equation is what the truth is. If we are to experience the abundant life I spoke about last week then we must realise that our emotions are not always trustworthy and we must be willing to REJECT any feelings that are not consistent with God’s truth. Consider the difference between truth and our feelings:
Truth is objective. It’s consistent. It doesn’t change with the weather or with our circumstances. If God says He forgives us, then whether or not we feel forgiven doesn’t change the FACT that he has forgiven us! Martin Luther is reputed to have been asked, “Do you feel forgiven?” he replied, “No, I don’t, but I place my faith in the unchanging truth that God has forgiven me in Christ and I stand upon it!”
Feelings are subjective. They can change with the weather. You can feel happy one minute and sad the next. While some people resort to medication to deal with these emotions, equally important is to make sure that you are taking your daily dose of God’s truth! Feelings are the carriage, not the engine. Feelings should always follow facts. Which brings us to the next lie:
Lie #3: I can’t control my emotions. While it is true that to some degree we can’t control what we feel, the truth is that you don’t need to let your feelings CONTROL you. Take for example, a comment by someone that stings you a bit. You feel belittled. Do you dwell on that minor offence until it becomes a bigger issue for you? Do you feed that feeling until you really don’t like that person any more? You DO have a choice of what to do with those feelings. Often the Bible gives straightforward commands to us regarding our emotions. Look at these three for instance:
John 14:27 says, “Do not be afraid.” Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything.” Mark 11:25 says,“If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him.” These verses, and many more like them, mean that God believes we can control our emotions.
I know someone who has a very quick temper. Most of the time he’s a nice guy but every so often he explodes and you just need to keep your head down. I confronted him once about this tendency to explode and how it made him an uncomfortable person to be around and do you know what he said? “It’s just my personality and people need to accept me the way I am.” No, that’s a lazy attitude and leads to sin. He needs to find a mechanism for recognizing when he’s about to lose his temper and then instruct his brain to override his feelings. Now, I don’t underestimate the difficulty of doing that but that’s one reason God gives us the gift of his Holy Spirit – to enable us to deal with our damaged, and damaging, emotions.
When someone you love is being overwhelmed with negative emotion, they need someone who loves them enough to listen to them and to lovingly tell them the truth. If you don’t control your emotions they will control you. If you let your emotions run your life, then your body and your mind will pay for it. Doctors are discovering a disturbing correlation between negative emotions and illness – far higher than you might think.
My question for you this morning is…do you have unresolved issues in your life and relationships that are rooted in deep emotional hurts? Have you forgiven those who have hurt you? If not, have you even begun the journey to forgiveness? Are you holding onto negative feelings because turning it over to God means admitting you need help or that maybe you were wrong in a situation? Unless you deal with the root, the rotten fruit will keep coming back.
Look at how David handled his emotions – many of the psalms reflect his depressive state. He experienced intense emotional pain and darkness, some connected to his lifestyle, other connected to his circumstances. In Psalm 42:5-6 he cries out, “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? (solution v6) “Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you.”
I love that – I’m depressed therefore I will remember God. David didn’t turn away from God, he turned to God. If you can relate to David, then learn from his example… when you are feeling downcast, cast a LOOK UP!
Hints for dealing with Emotions:
1 Get perspective. What is the truth?
Remember who’s in charge.
Charles Spurgeon, the great Baptist preacher who famously struggled with his depressive feelings said, “Depression forces me to go back to the promises of God’s faithfulness. And here’s what I found: God was preparing me for something greater. The cloud is black before it breaks. It overshadows before it releases its deluge of mercy. Depression has now become to me as a prophet in rough clothing.”
I like that attitude. He is choosing to take that awful curse of depression and look at it objectively and come up saying, “God is in charge. The world may be falling apart, but it is only doing so with His permission. He is still on His throne.” Remember what the truth is. No matter what you feel, compare it with the absolute truth of God’s word. Remember, emotions are supposed to be informers to our will. We must test the informant, to see if it is telling the truth.
A pilot must learn to trust his instrument panel (the truth) before his own feelings in the matter (subjective). Often a plane can be tossed around in a storm so that the pilot is disorientated. What does he do? He trusts his instruments and I’ve read numerous stories of pilots who trusted their own instincts and feelings to their detriment. We too have an instrument panel that is more reliable than our own feelings. It is the Word of God. It is the truth. 2nd hint:
2. Examine yourself to see if there is unconfessed sin your life. James 5:13-16 links unconfessed sin with illness. James makes it quite clear, sort out your unconfessed sin and you will find forgiveness, and quite possibly some of the root causes of your illness or struggle may be eliminated. But, don’t try to do it alone. Get godly, professional help! v16 says, “Confess your sins to one another.”
Let me lead by example. I’ve got a confession to make. In May 1999 I bought a lottery ticket! It was a double rollover, there was about £25 million pounds up for grabs and greed overcame me. But that’s not really my main confession. There’s more, I’m afraid. The week after the lottery draw May, my wife, said to me, “Did you buy a lottery ticket at the weekend?” I said, “No. Of course not.” And she just nodded and said okay.
I felt awful. About half an hour later I was feeling so guilty about lying to my wife that I was beginning to feel physically sick, so I went and said to May, “I lied to you. I did buy a lottery ticket. I’m sorry for lying.” May just said, “I knew you bought a ticket. I found the ticket in your jacket pocket when I was looking for the car keys.” She knew already and was just waiting for me to come to my sense and confess and when I did she forgave me… after making suffer just a wee bit! More importantly, I had also sinned against God and I had to ask his forgiveness as well. He also knew already and he didn’t make me suffer! Confess your sins to one another. 3rd hint:
3. Most importantly, fix your eyes on Jesus and get them off of yourself. How often has an apparently random negative thought entered your mind leaving you feeling in despair? Where does that come from? I believe Satan can manipulate our feelings… if we allow him. So how do I combat that? I do what Jesus did when tempted by Satan. I quote Scriptures. When Satan tempts you to despair remind him of the truth!
- in Christ you are a new creation;
- yours are the riches of his glorious inheritance;
- greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world;
- that you can do all things through him who strengthens you… and so on.
See what I’m doing? I’m quoting truth. The key is to get your eyes off of self and focused on Jesus.
God will not force you to obey or to trust Him; it’s totally your choice. By choosing the way of faith you choose to live ON HIS PROMISES. If you choose to live according to your feelings you risk ending up in an emotional PRISON. What are you going to do? Will you stand on the promises or will you sit in your prison? If you’ve recognised your emotional prison today, then I want to invite you to take the first steps in being set free.
Come forward for prayer at the end and tell someone on the prayer team about the feelings that are holding you captive and let them pray with you about these things. You may, or may not, feel an immediate release but at worse, it will begin the journey to emotional freedom.