Why We Need Each Other (Session 1)
Billy Milton - March 5, 2006
Well good morning everybody. Isn’t this exciting? To be in Bridgewater School at the start of a 40 Day campaign that is likely to change our church for ever, and maybe our community as well. And we’re going to start with a message today that really is pretty radical and it’s countercultural. Most of us think, and we have been taught, that happiness is the result of independence, and that if I’m financially independent, if I’m relationally independent, if I am independent in every way, then I will be at my happiest. And yet we have probably never had a more unhappy society. Depression is rife, family life is breaking down and stress is threatening to overwhelm half the workforce. Why? Because we’ve swallowed a big lie! The truth is, happiness does not come from being independent or detached or keeping people at arm’s length. That’s not the way to be happy. Happiness comes from interdependence, from community.
Notice what the Bible says there in Romans 12, right at the top of your outline. Let’s read it aloud together, “Since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other and each of us needs all the others.” We do need each other. We just don’t realize how much we need each other because we are taught independence. Now during the ‘40 Days of Purpose’ that we did three years ago, the big idea was that God put you on this planet for five reasons – worship, fellowship, discipleship, ministry, mission - and we spent the 40 days looking at those five purposes. That was the big idea.
Let me give you an even bigger idea. You cannot fulfill any of those five purposes on your own! You can’t do it by yourself. It’s impossible. God created all of us in such a way that we can only fulfill his purposes for our lives in community, in his family, in relationship to each other. We need each other. That’s the big idea we’re going to look at for the next 40 days. So, today we’re going to look at why we need each other. The reasons why you need a church family, and more than that, the reasons why you need to be in a small group with a few other friends who you get to know on a deeper level than just casual acquaintance. The Bible gives us 5 reasons:
#1, I need others to WALK with me. I need others to walk with me. In other words, I need people to help me grow spiritually. The Bible says in Col. 2:6-7, “Just as you receive Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him.” Now the Bible often calls your spiritual life, your walk. Why? Because life is not just a sit-down thing, it’s a journey. You’re always growing. You’re always moving, and your life is a journey. There is a destination to get to. Life is not a pointless meander. And the Bible says that as you walk through life, God wants you to do certain things.
But one of the important things is this: God never intended for you to do them alone. Never. Now let me make it really clear, this has nothing to do with whether you’re single or married. We have dozens of single adults who are in this church, who are actively involved in community. They’re not walking through life alone. And we also have people in this church, who are married, and very lonely. Marriage is not the answer. Community is the answer.
There are things that you can only learn by going through life with a few close friends. Things, like cooperation and how to compromise – things you wouldn’t learn any other way. You see, although the number one goal in life is learning to love God, the number two goal is learning to love other people. Why? Because God is love and God wants you to be like him. So he says, “I want you to practice learning to love each other.”
So, you have to learn cooperation. Now look at this next verse, Genesis 2:18, read it with me, “It is not good for man to be alone.” That’s the first thing God said after he created Adam. Everything was perfect, but he said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God hates loneliness. He hates it. And so, he created us to live in community just as he is in community – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And God’s safety net is his family, the church. Notice Hebrews 10:25 says this, “Let us not give up the habit,” that means you do it all the time, “The habit of meeting together, instead let us encourage one another.” I need people to encourage me in my daily walk. And he says, “How do you do that?” He says, “By meeting together.”
However, he’s not talking about just doing what we’re doing right now. He’s talking about community. Folks, this is not really community. This is a crowd. Community is what happens when you’re with a few other people, maybe at the most ten or so. If you get more than ten people in a group, somebody usually stops talking, and so you stop relating. You see, you could be in a crowd, you could come to church every week for years and still be lonely because you never really know anybody.
I used to attend a large church of about 700+ people and one Sunday the minister asked people to greet a newcomer and make them feel welcome. Someone very kindly came up and shook my hand and said, “Is this your first week here? Welcome.” Sadly for her it was not my first week. In fact I had been going to that church for over 2 years and actually sat a couple of rows behind her all that time. You know, I felt lonely that day in church.
Now would you write this down: Community is God’s answer to LONELINESS. Community is God’s answer to loneliness. We need a few people in our lives that we know really well, and they know us really well. And we all need a place, we need a group, where we can practice relationships and get connected to one another.
DRAMA SKETCH.
Thanks guys. Back to your outline – Community is God’s answer to loneliness - notice what the Bible says in 1st Corinthians 14, it’s talking about when you get together and it says this: “When you gather, each one of you be prepared with something useful for all, sing a hymn, teach a lesson, tell a story, lead a prayer, provide an insight. Take your turn with no one person taking over. That way… you all learn from each other.”
We learn from each other better in a small group. 1 Peter 4:9 says, “Open your homes to each other without complaining.” If you’re not in a small group yet and would like to be, see Mike James afterwards.
All right, that’s the first reason why we need each other because I need people to walk through life with me.
#2, I need people, I need others to not just walk with me but to WORK with me… to work with me. Do you know that the Bible says God put you on earth to do some certain things? And you need other people to help you do those certain things? The Bible says in Ephesians 2:10, “God made us to do good works, which he planned in advance for us to live our lives doing.”
Before you were even born, God decided what talents you were going to get, what natural abilities, what gifts. He decided all of these things because he has something that he wants you to do with your life, your “good works.” And that is called your ministry. Anytime you use the talents God has given you to help other people, that’s called ministry or service. It’s helping other people. But God doesn’t want you to do it by yourself or you’ll get worn out. I don’t know if it’s always been this way but I think most people seem to be exhausted these days? So God says you need other people to work with you, to share the load. And God tells us why we need others to work with us. Look at the next verse, Ecclesiastes 4 says, “Two people are better than one because they get more done by working together.” You know that’s true. You always get more done by working with other people. Nobody’s good at everything. We need each other. And the key is you need people in your life who are strong at things you’re weak at.
Last week we watched a DVD where Rick Warren said, “Snowflakes are frail but if enough of them stick together, they can stop traffic.” Now, I can’t do a whole lot on my own, and you can’t make a very big impact on the world on your own either. But you know, you get enough snowflakes together, they can do something. And in this church, we’ve got enough people to make a decent snowball. That’ll stop something. Better yet, it’ll start something.
And God says, “I want to use you together.” You see, there’s this myth, the Mother Theresa myth, of the lone person going out there to save the world on their own. That’s not what Mother Theresa did. Mother Theresa had an army behind her of other sisters. She had an army of other people helping in the streets of Calcutta. You see, together each of us… together, can make a difference if we each just do a little part. It’s not a big thing. It’s just a little thing.
The reason why you’re so exhausted is you don’t have anybody helping you. Would you write this down on your outline: Community is God’s answer to FATIGUE. Have you ever seen the movie Witness starring Harrison Ford where the Amish people build a barn together in one day? The whole community turns out. Everybody does a little bit and the thing’s done, just like that.
During ‘40 Days of Community,’ we’re going to take on a number of projects as a church. We are going to be so encouraged each week as the small groups report back as to how their project went – and we will be amazed at how much this little group of Christians can achieve in 40 Days? Why? Because we’ll be doing it together, and we’re better together.
Galatians 6:10 says this, “Every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith,” that’s the church. You see, God uses ordinary people like us.
All right. I need people to walk with me and I need people to work with me. The third thing is: In life, I need others to WATCH OUT for me. I need people who will defend me, who will protect me, who will stand up for me when I need somebody to stand up for me, who will help me stay on track, who will warn me. I need people to watch out for me.
Philippians 2:4 says this, “Look out for one another’s interests, not just for your own.” Now that’s a countercultural statement because in the UK, everybody says, “It’s all about me, Jack. It’s all about my needs, my interests, my hurts, and the rest of you, forget it because really it’s all about me.” But the Bible says, “Look out for one another’s interests.”
Have you ever seen any of these ‘Neighborhood Watch’ signs in some areas? That’s a sign of community. It says we watch out for people here. We take care of each other. Well, let me ask you, do you have anybody looking out for your soul? Because your soul is more important than your stuff. Is there anybody who is helping you out in your spiritual journey? Who’s watching out for you? To make sure that you’re still growing? To make sure that you’re not getting discouraged and giving up? You see, the fact is we all have blind spots. There are things in our lives that we can’t see, that only other people can see.
ILLUSTRATION: I drove out of a car park in Aylesbury one wet day and a lady in a nice sporty Merc was just in front of me. I noticed that she’d got her white coat trapped in the door and it was going to get really dirty so I flashed my lights at her, and she ignored me. So I flashed her again and pointed down at her door, but she still never cottoned on. In fact she showed signs of getting annoyed at me. Being a kind soul, I flashed her again at which point she jumped out of her car and began to yell at me, “What the @#¶* is your problem?” I said, “Your coat was caught in the door.” At which point she had the grace to blush, thanked me, and got back into her car and drove home to Berkhamsted with me in her rear view mirror all the way! You see she needed someone to tell her that she had a problem that she couldn’t see for herself. That’s why we need each other. Get it? Good.
I need others to watch out for me. The Bible says this in Hebrews 13, “Keep being concerned about each other as the Lord’s followers should.” It says, “Keep being concerned about each other.” Circle the word, ‘Keep.’ That means be vigilant. You don’t just do it once. You just keep on doing it.
Since July 7th last year, we’ve had to be more vigilant as a country about terrorists. But did you know that you have a greater enemy than terrorists? Oh, you do, and his name is Satan. And he hates your guts and he wants to defeat you, he wants to mess up your life, he wants to hurt you, harm you and make you totally ineffective. He wants you to miss God’s will. He wants you to waste your time. And every morning before you wake up, he’s planning how to get you to waste your day, to get angry, to get impatient, to get lustful, to get worried, to get fearful and all these other things, to get depressed. And he’s going to do whatever works on you.
How does the devil work in your life? Habits, you can’t break. Hurts, you can’t forgive and let go of. Hang-ups you can’t change. Problems, circumstances, relationships that mess up your life; it’s normally all indirect, and he’s always trying to mess you up that way. And most of the time, we’re defeated. Why? Because we try to fight it on our own. And you’re never going to beat the devil on your own. Never. You need other people in your life who are watching out for you. The Bible says this in Ecclesiastes 4, “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back to back and conquer, and three are even better for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” That’s why you need to be in a small group.
Question: Who’s watching your back right now, spiritually? Who’s watching your back? Is there anybody in your life who is so close that they are helping you and making sure you don’t fall into the typical traps that mess us up? Anybody like that? If you don’t have that person, I pity you because you’ve got a big bull’s eye on your back for the devil. Here’s another question: Who’s back are you watching out for? You can’t expect anybody to watch out for you if you’re not watching out for anybody else? If you care enough about anybody else, you’ll say, “You know what? I’m going to be with you through thick and thin.”
Everyone needs someone watching their back. And you do too. Would you write this down over the page: Community is God’s answer to DEFEAT. The Bible says, this in Ecclesiastes 4:10, “If one person falls, another can reach out and help but people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble.” Now this is one of the values of small groups. It gives us support when we feel defeated.
I’M GOING TO ASK ONE OF OUR MEMBERS TO COME UP RIGHT NOW AND TELL US HOW THE SMALL GROUP LOOKED AFTER HIS BACK.
I need people to walk with me through life and I need others to work with me and I need others to watch out for me. #4, I need others to WAIT AND WEEP with me, to wait and weep with me. What am I talking about here? I need people who are going to be there in the inevitable crises of life, like we were with ****. Now as your Pastor, I feel this one really deeply because I see it many times in our church. There are many situations in life that nobody should ever have to go through alone. Nobody should ever have to sit alone in a hospital, waiting during a life or death surgery. No woman should have to wait alone while she’s waiting back for a lab test from a problem pregnancy. No one should ever have to sit in the home alone after the death of a child or their spouse. No man or woman should have to feel completely abandoned when their husband or wife walks out.
We were not meant to face the crises of life alone! Now the fact is some of this stuff is going to happen in your life. It’s going to happen, and only a fool would go through life unprepared for what they know is inevitably going to happen. You need the support network in your life now because you don’t know when the crisis is going to come, when the storm is going to break. You don’t need a lot of people, but you do need a few people who are going to be there when you need them. And the time to prepare is now.
Now God says that the safety net he planned for your life is a group of believers who are committed to you. The Bible says this in 1 Peter, “You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other.” Now when you get in the hospital, you don’t want the whole church to visit you. In fact, that would not be a good idea! But it would be nice to have five or six people visit you, and to say, “We’re praying for you. We’re going to be here.”
Here’s God’s plan, 1 Cor 12, “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” We have a youn